It’s a rare move, she says: she sees a lot more of the Eyebrow Flash, the Pout and the Lipstick Lick. “But you’re right, the woman will pretty well always touch the man first. And when she does, she’ll make it look accidental, although we believe it’s purposeful. Though it’s difficult to know for sure …”"Oh, the Breast Touch, it’s a classic,” groans the handsome Alexander, of whom we will be hearing more.

“It’s an extremely effective way of letting a bloke know you like him, and it’s ambiguous, so it’s safe I’m sure it’s not accidental, though. It happens too often for that …” “You’re wrong, Alexander,” Me coyly flutters in reply. “I genuinely never knew I was living in the clutches of Wee Breastie, until I recognised her mischief-making when I read the research.” Which is completely true.How conscious are we really of the ways we flirt at parties? And, more pressingly for the social season: how often do we let our self-consciousness get in the way of a good flirt? In my search for the truth, I gathered together a team of experts: the sultry Peter Bull lectures in psychology at the University of York, and is one of the UK’s leading experts in non-verbal communication. Gorgeous, pouting Stella Duffy is a writer, comic and flirting nonpareil. “Alexander” – not his real name – was recommended to me as a male flirtee bar none. And Monica Moore, as we know already, is a top Professor d’Amour.

What advice, I wondered, can experts offer my friend Margery – a gorgeous, dynamic and adorable modern woman who, like many gorgeous, dynamic and adorable modern women, is a total chat- up klutz? Wee Breastie nippled in to gently guide me as I organised their tips.FLIRTING ISN’T PULLING Eyes turn when Stella sidles into a party, on a puff of panne velvet and gingery-blondy curls. And the sighs are seismic when she turns to leave again, in the company of her steady girifriend. “Bye, men!” she chirps, pausing to flick a last imaginary speck from a final masculine lapel.”I like playing, and that’s all it is, it’s play,” Stella later explains. “And yes, it’s true that since I’ve been in a relationship, I’ve found it much easier with people I barely know I also notice men talk to me more once they know I’m gay. I think they’re fascinated, and yes, I find that fun.”"Maybe I was too desperate until I got that dose of herpes,” Margery chips in.

“But there’s nothing like a suppurating vagina to take your mind off, um, the obvious goal And then, you can have conversations with all sorts. It’s like, you can relax and enjoy yourself with the pressure taken off.”"I don’t call it pulling,” Alexander charmingly objects. “I just like talking to women, and it’s a challenge, to see what sort of a conversation you can have. It isn’t not sexual, but it’s not necessarily leading anywhere … If there’s a really strong attraction, it just works like magic.”FLIRTING ISN’T WORKING”My heart sinks when strangers ask me what I do,” says the professionally quite successful Mr Mark.

“In fact, I think about my job and how I hate it when I don’t want to come during sex So no, talking about work isn’t a turn-on. I’d rather talk about the weather, to be quite frank.”"It’s simply rude,” complains David Williamson of Debrett’s, publishers of Elsie Burch Donald’s definitive – but sadly superceded – guide to contemporary etiquette. “Manners are about putting everyone at ease, regardless of age or rank. If someone does ask you what you do for a living, we suggest saying, ‘oh, not that boring old question’ … Though it may emerge spontaneously, if the conversation is going well.”FLIRTING ISN’T PLOTTING”Hello there, Margery,” a dishy colleague bats “Who’s that?” I ask my lovelorn pal. “He’s gorgeous,” she moans; “But I can’t talk to him because I can’t remember his name! … Hey, YOU could ask him and sneak back and tell me …”High-powered women of a feminist inclination tend to be great at self- deflating gossip, girly plotting and pranks.